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The current year marks a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the notion that someone could instantly end all contact with a partner without a word seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the terms gen Z is using to discuss love, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reply is engaged or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal habits indicating a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions confirm your decision to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

Geese – A band many young men likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly shut down any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {